Sometimes, we go through a hard time. And sometimes we go through a very, very hard time. It’s human nature to want to cheer us up when we’re upset, and we sometimes don’t mind being asked to talk about our problems. Sometimes it feels good to get it off our chests. Honestly, a lot of introverts just want to rant so they can blow off steam. We aren’t social people, so the people that we do bother to keep in contact with- we must trust to some degree. Which means that to the few people that we keep close, we don’t mind opening ourselves up a bit to let them know what’s troubling us.
The best thing you can do is just listen. The worst thing you can do is force your own philosophy and fixes.
Not everyone looks at problems the same way. Not everyone wants input for their output. Not everyone is comforted through hard times by hearing about how much people care, how people that are putting them down are just jealous, about looking on the bright side, or about being the master of our own emotions. Introverts typically -already- bottle up their emotions. We know we are masters of our emotions, but that doesn’t make us invincible to them. If we are angry, hurt, upset, offended, or feel betrayed then that’s what we feel. No amount of psychology will make us not feel these emotions when the situation calls for them. For some of us, we can calm down within hours or days. For some of us it might take months.
This all came up because I tend to have a lot of people that are either just hearing about this end of patience that I’ve gone through and my response to the multitude of negativity that I’m finally giving in to. After ten plus years of harassment and having my tolerance eroded into zero percent, I think I’m entitled to being a little sore over it. So in order to heal myself, I’ve cut out these things that make me angry and minimized the chance of having to even see anything that contains subject material that I find offensive. This is the equivalent of me going to my room after a fight and shutting the door. The worst thing anyone can do at that point is to follow me into my room. Especially if that person has nothing better to do than give me a lecture for how I should be handling the situation. In fact, when I’m angry there are so few people that I actually WANT to talk to that I can count them on one hand and still have fingers to spare.
I just about lost it today because just yesterday I went to check up on things and see if some artwork owed to me was finished (obviously by my last post- there was some!). Among other things that I quickly cleared out, including people who are frequently uploading content I can’t stomach, I came across a long post in response to my journal. Their suggestion was that I just stop being a bigot. (Last I checked, it’s bigoted to hate people, not behaviors. So them assuming that I am bigoted is in itself bigoted.) Their second comment (the long and the short of it) was that anyone posting supportive comments was full of it. These are the people I can’t stand anymore. Because you know what? It’s the people that have a fetish for a behavior that they don’t even participate in that become the most militant about it. Yes, I find some behaviors disgusting. Sexual behaviors outside of marriage disgust me. Behaviors. Not people. And what’s worse is the religious devotion from the fans of the community and the absolute need to pervert everything they can get their tablet pens and keyboards on. These people ruined things like Kingdom Hearts, The Lion King, and even cartoon network shows from my childhood. These people do get to me because they throw a temper tantrum if you refuse to appease them all while claiming love and tolerance.
So yes, I was in a bad mood. However, all it took was a click of the ignore button and that problem was addressed. However, when a friend asks what’s bothering me, then proceeds to give me a life lesson- that’s when I get angry. I don’t want to hurt my friends. I do appreciate the concern. But when someone is angry, hurting, just beating their head into the wall the absolute last thing you do is tell them how they should be handling the situation. Making suggestions like “Go get something hot to drink and take it easy” is fine. Saying that you shouldn’t be angry, people shouldn’t get to you, you should pray more, etc. is just patronizing.
People. Get. Angry.
I do bottle things up. I suck things up, tell myself to just ignore it, but none of that matters when I’m by myself. There’s no one there to give me cute little motivational speeches about being myself and how many people love me, how they’re just jealous, how I’m a great person deep down, etc. and secondly- I hate those speeches. Every person that has stabbed me in the back gave me those speeches. They’re empty words. What matters to me is action.
I have friends that will listen to me rant, say ‘I’m sorry you’re going through this, can I distract you?’ and THAT means the world to me. My best friend can’t come over with a pizza when I’m upset and just keep me company, but she listens to me rant. She never tells me what to do or to pretend that nothing bothers me.
I know I’m not the only one that’s going through this. I don’t want to hurt my friends but I’m an honest person. If someone patronizes me, I will not take it well. I don’t want someone looking down their nose at me when I’m having a hard time, I just want someone to listen. It’s a very common introverted problem because extroverts want to force feed their ‘wisdom’ to us and have us respond in turn. They thrive off of exchanges. They like to hear themselves talk and they like when other people absorb what they say. Introverts are not like that. We don’t respond in words, we respond in action. Most introverts won’t even say “I’m sad” when they’re upset. Most of us won’t cry in public. Most introverts will suck everything up until they’re alone and then sit and try to fight it out themselves. But heaven help you if you follow them into their safety zone to vomet your advice- because all that bottled up emotion is coming at you full force.
There. Done ranting. I feel better.